Just Say Goodbye
by HazelHPwiz
Summary: Takes place right after Judgment day. Gibbs thinks back to all of his past moments and missed chances when it comes to Jenny Shepard and realizes how he's felt about her all along. It just took a letter and over five years for him to realize it. One-Shot.


**Hi people! So this songfic was inspired by withadream13's story Dear Jethro. Basically, Gibbs saved the letter Jenny stared writing to him and brought it home and the rest is in the story. The song is Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt, and it's set right after Judgement Day.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned NCIS Judgement Day would have never happened so obviously this story would have never existed. I also don't own this song, which would never have been associated with NCIS if I owned it... But I don't, so here you go instead! **

Gibbs looked down at the thin piece of paper he held in his hand, a tear dripping down his nose and landing on top of his name. '_Dear Jethro_'. The two words still haunted him, even now, a full day after he had found the blank letter in Jenny's study, a full day after Svetlana had been killed. Things were supposed to have gone back to normal by now. After all, Gibbs had gotten over Jenny years and years ago, after she'd left him, after Paris.

But he hadn't. And it had taken him over five years and Jenny's death to realized that. He loved Jenny Shepard. And she was gone.

Walking over to the old radio, Gibbs flipped it on, tuning it until a song began flowing out of the who-knows-how-old speakers. Gibbs was familiar with the song, Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt, but only because it had been playing on practically every radio station for the past day, torturing him every time he heard it. This time, though, instead of immediately flipping to another station, Gibbs sat down on his couch, resting his head against the back and looking up at the ceiling, letting the music practically flow into his soul.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took you soul out into the night.

The thing that tortured Gibbs the most, he realized, listening to the soft music pouring out of the small device, wasn't that he wasn't there with Jenny on her deathbed, nor was it that he didn't have her back. It was that he'd never asked. Not just said 'Hey, Jen, what's wrong with you? What illness do you have?' But really demanded it from her. Gibbs knew that if he had tried hard enough he could have gotten Jenny to tell him what was wrong. But he didn't bother. And now it was too late.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

Gibbs should have been there for Jenny. Even though there was an entire batch of should haves and could haves when it came to them, Gibbs knew that this was the most prominent one of them all. He should have been there for Jenny, whether she wanted him to or not. He'd decided to leave her alone, she was the director and it didn't look like she wanted him to know what was wrong, or even ask for that matter, so why should he even try. If only he knew that it would be his last chance, he knew he would have tried harder for her, for them.

I've kissed your lips and held your hand.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

He always knew that Jenny had a five point plan, from the first time they met it had been obvious that she had made goals for herself, goals that she was going to reach, no matter who got in her way. Gibbs had just figured that after Paris, he fit into that plan. He'd been hopelessly in love, blinded by love, unable to see what was coming towards him faster than a head-slap. When Jenny left, though, he couldn't just let her go. Even though he didn't fit into her plan, she fit perfectly into his. So he went back to NCIS in DC, lived his life, was given a new team, and was a different man.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

Jenny had had his back, from the start until the time she left and even beyond then. He should have had her six on that day, he should have been there with her and Mike Franks, keeping her safe from harm. Never take anything for granted. Rule Number Eight. The one rule he'd broken so many times when it came to Jenny Shepard. He'd taken her for granted from the time they shared their first kiss. He thought she'd always be there, he never fought for her. And it was too late to start now.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

Jenny and Jethro. Gibbs and Shepard. Mommy and Daddy. The pair had been named together by so many people, in so many ways. But they never named themselves together anymore, actually, they tried to refrain from even using both of their names in the same sentence. After Jenny left, there was no more 'Jen and Jethro'. Gibbs was left feeling alone, vulnerable, a feeling that did not come easily to him. But he had to move on, or, at least, try to. No, there were no boats made for Jenny. But there was a rule created after her. Rule number twelve. It was changed, something Gibbs never saw himself doing. _Never date a coworker._ Something Gibbs had enforced since he returned to NCIS, but something he so desperately wanted to break right now.

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

Gibbs and Jenny had been through so much together, more than most couples should ever dream of being through. There were undercover missions, cases, deaths, reunions, frame-ups, fights, makeups, late-nights, all nighters, Paris, and much, much more. Gibbs didn't know what he was going to do without Jenny, over the past three years he'd gotten used to seeing her every day for the rest of his life, but now that wasn't even remotely possible. There was so much he didn't do, so much that he didn't say, and there was no way to make up for it.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.

Now that it was so clear to him, Gibbs wondered how he'd never seen it before. He was in love with Jenny. He had always been, ever since he first laid eyes on her, and there was nothing more to it. No other woman could ever even attempt to compete with how he felt for her, they couldn't even come close. The only woman after Shannon that Gibbs had ever loved was gone, and he couldn't change that, no matter how many head-slaps he gave or rules he made and remade.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

She was gone. Jenny was dead. And Gibbs had to accept it. He couldn't just stay lying on the couch for the rest of his life, acting like a lump and feeling depressed about Jenny's death and all of the things that he never did and never said. She was his best friend, his lover, but she was gone and no amount of wishing would change that.

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bare my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Gibbs was never going to forget her. Jenny would always be there, on the edge of this thoughts, next to Shannon and Kelly. But he was going to try to move on. Gibbs didn't know if he'd ever find love again, his heart had been broken in half twice already and he wasn't sure if any other number of beautiful redheads could change that. He didn't think he'd ever marry again, though, that was for sure. Three ex-wives were enough, plus he didn't want to give Fornell a chance to sleep with another one of his wives.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

Jenny had been the one. She always was. But Gibbs was done with the what-ifs, the maybes, the could haves and would haves. If was time to get over her. He knew he'd said that about a hundred times before, but it was true. He had loved Jenny, he still did, but he knew it was time.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

His heart was never going to be mended, his life was never going to complete. But that was okay. Gibbs accepted that he'd never know what Jenny was going to say in her letter, he never knew what she felt for him. Maybe that was for the best, though. He knew that even if she turned him down again, he'd never be healed. A clean break. Jenny Shepard was dead. She wasn't coming back. But she was still loved, she would always be loved.

Setting down the letter just as the song ended, Gibbs wiped the few remaining tears off of his cheeks and looked out his window, up at the stars, knowing Jenny was up there, somewhere, looking down at him with her breathtaking smile lighting up her face.

"I love you." Gibbs breathed, staring up into the heavens. "Goodbye, Jen."

**And that's the end. Depressing, right? Well, to my defense, I actually just watched Judgement Day so this is kind of based on the mood I was in after I watched it. So, did you like? Please Review! :D**


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